All you need to know about Landscape Gardeners
At this point we have to say that we don’t have a landscape gardener on our team and I have just drawn the short straw. This is a shame because I know as much about gardening as Monty Don probably does about designing brassieres!
That’s a lie actually, I have laid turf on several occasions and do happen to know that it goes down green side up, if that’s any help to anyone.
Luckily though, landscape gardening isn’t only about flowers and stuff, it does include the manly processes of slab laying, wall building (albeit usually only small ones made with pretend stone and other ornamental nonsense) and of course “navigation”. OK, not exactly canal building but some ponds can be quite big and even include the possibility of a bridge…. and bridge building isn’t for softies!
Most domestic building work doesn’t usually involve any input from the bloke who’s actually doing it, with regard to design. Extensions are usually decided upon before the builder turns up and a lot of things actually design themselves. But gardens, particularly if they are started from scratch, positively require the landscaper to have a lot of design input. That may explain why a lot of them seem to be either called Julian or have a pony tail or they have been something remotely aesthetic in another life. You know, ex art teachers or failed actors.
Maybe that’s why they don’t turn up when it’s a bit nippy, or raining.
It’s a well known fact, that none of the gardens at the Chelsea flower show are ever designed by anyone called Dave! (David maybe… but never Dave).
Girls of course are probably quite good at this job. Obviously they cant lift heavy slabs and will probably faint if a spider runs out from under a stone, but I do seem to remember a pretty formidable woman about 20 years ago who caused quite a stir on telly. She was really quite capable for a woman and very watchable, particularly in cold weather if I remember correctly!
That big old lump who worked with her was a different kettle of fish though, he could lay a patio in a morning and you certainly would show respect for the lady when he was around. You wouldn’t have wanted a right hander off him I can tell you.
Also, wasn’t that the programme where Alan Titchmarsh first made his name! Now he’s seems like good bloke. He knows about flowers and things, he probably could get his hands dirty if push came to shove and look where its all got him, interviewing lovely women on afternoon telly. I bet that pays better than planting runner beans….. and it beats working for a living.
So there we are,….landscape gardening, a stepping stone to fame and fortune for some, a wet miserable existence for the other 99% of them.
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