Top Ten Best Paid Builders' Jobs
Top 10 Best Paying Jobs From a Builder’s Point of View
What we take into account – remember, I’m a builder – is a ranking system that a builder knows innately, a way of pricing that is as opportunistic as it is calculated. These jobs need to fulfill the following criteria:
A. You can’t do them yourself – not even in your wildest DIY dreams with a guest appearance from Barry Bucknall.
B. Even if you could do them, you wouldn’t want to because; you are scared of heights, heavy lifting, explosions and irate wives who hate you even more than usual when you make a monstrous DIY mess up of the job she’s wanted doing since Len Fairclough was in Corrie, you don’t like getting messy, you earn so much dosh that your wife organizes the job and you’ll never know it’s been done (or needed doing in the first place).
C. You want it doing immediately – it’s mid January and you’ve got no hot water and heating is a good reason to accept spending wads of cash on a plumber’s services.
D. The Builder really doesn’t want the job because he’d rather go to his villa in Menorca, so he puts in a ludicrously high price – which you accept because he was the only one who could be bothered to send a quote in.
Top Ten Most Profitable Building Jobs
Tip - ask for photos. Before and after. Everyone’s got a camera on their phone nowadays, so get some indication of what needs doing without defying the Laws of Gravity.
YOU NEED NO QUALIFICATION WHATSOEVER TO BE A PLUMBER! It’s only Gas Fitters who need to be Gas Safe registered (formerly CORGI) or OFTEC for oil fired boilers. Plumbers do charge an arm and a leg because you need the work doing there and then in most cases. But if it can wait:
Tip - always get a second and third opinion on larger jobs. INSIST on seeing Gas Safe registration for gas work and always get the relevant certification when the job is completed.
Tip - try to source the windows yourself and employ a builder/carpenter on a day rate.
It’s not just the fact that you’ll potentially get a whack from the mains that will make Joe Frazier’s left hook feel like a tickle from Ken Dodd’s feather duster, but you are more than likely to mess up and leave Joe Frazier’s left hook (and then some) waiting for the next unfortunate soul (or child) who was at the back of the queue when God was dishing out good fortune.
No, leave well alone and get a professional in. Consider the money well spent.
Tip – Love your family and love your life and don’t look at your bank balance unless absolutely necessary!
Working with MDF is easy for a chippie it is a very cheap material - £18.00 for a huge sheet (but they won’t tell you that). Usually you want cupboards either side of a fireplace, which immediately makes this work “bespoke” – but only to you! He does them week-in-week-out, EXACTLY the same.
The design rarely changes (base unit with doors to hide the Freeview box you’ll tell the chippie you never watch, and a shelving arrangement for your Camus, Nietsche and Soldier-something-a nit-skin that you say you read in the original.
He’ll add £200 to the total merely based solely on your choice of reading material you intend to display on the shelves!
Tip - It is simple work (to a good carpenter) and you would be best advised to pay a chippie on a decent day rate and to pay for the materials as he buys them.
Flaunt a few Jilly Cooper novels for a decent discount. Nothing wrong with Jilly Cooper, by the way.
6. New Kitchens
Bear this in mind before you run the Amex through the machine: the units he sold you are more than likely the same as the ones in B&Wickesbase, as are the taps and sinks. Yet the B&Wickesbase salesman is on 35p over minimum wage and will still be polite to you as well as planning the kitchen! No coffee though. There's a vending machine near the lifts.
Tip – Get a trusted builder/carpenter in to consider buying cheap base and wall units (carcasses) and add posh doors, fittings and worktops (that you source on the internet) for over HALF the price of the expensive kitchen shop.
That's why he charges a lot. He doesn't want to either, but the money forces him to do it. I'm a builder, get me out of here!
Tip – Get the lot replaced in on go so that the company has to offer a guarantee (nobody can give a guarantee for a repair) and keep the guarantee certificate under one of the legs of your exercise bike as it’s unlikely to be disturbed for YET ANOTHER 10 years.
But to save face, don’t ask the plasterer if you can leave it unpainted and just varnish it – you will, you know once you’ve run your hand up and down the Teflon-like finish. You’ll come over all unecessary! He’s heard it all before (like every day).
Tip - Check out our Plastering guide, get the price right and then pay up the second he’s slammed his van door shut for the day. It’ll make you happy.
The thing is that fencers can get away with it. All dirty, flat bed lorries and muddy boots; they are to finesse what a flying hammer is to subtlety. Their sole aim is to invade the garden en masse in an effort to get in and out as fast as possible, thus maximizing their earning potential. And who can blame them!
Tip – The etiquette is to put the fence up “good side out” ie your neighbour gets the best side of the fence (this is Britain after all – we’re so polite it almost hurts), so don’t tell the fencer otherwise. DON’T ask them to break with decorum and do the job the other way round.
The next thing they’ll know, you’ll be asking them not to ruin your hallway carpet without a by-you-leave. Whatever next!
10. Change a WC seat in a student house
The reason for this is multifold - the landlord is paying (he's too busy with his girlfriend at his holiday villa in Cyprus); the students sure as heck won't do it – (they'll be too busy making a hideous mess in the kitchen as they attempt to satiate their laziness driven hunger); Paul Daniels is just and act: this means things won’t just happen by magic.
There's another simple reason why the price will go up. A working man likes a cuppa; yet if the receptical involved in that process has: (a) Only been washed once by a student properly in the past eight months (b) the inside of the cup contains enough tannin to warrant a cold chisel to remove it - the man doing the job will have to go without. And he won’t like that. Cue an extra £50. Or maybe a ton. That, plus the call out, plus having to listen to a lanky-haired youth call him ‘dude’ incessantly makes the £150.00 seem quite reasonable.
Tip: Don’t bother fixing it. Wait for the students all to pass their degrees and leave, (virtually overnight they’ll go from good-for-nothing wastrels to trainee bank managers and executives at a stroke, with about as much rebellion in their bodies as sheep with confidence issues). The landlord will move to Cyprus with the girlfriend and then sell the house in its current state for about tuppence. It’ll probably all work out cheaper – apart from the divorce lawyer costs when his wife finds out.
The Building Sheriff.
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